Computers have been used as an analogy for the human brain. We know that like computers, brains are able to be “programmed” and change based on what we learn, how we think and what we pay attention to. Are you inadvertently programming your brain in a way that leads to feeling unsatisfied?

Selling “Not Enoughness”

The common marketing ploy in most sectors – and any marketing person will tell you this – is to indicate that the product will help make you whole in some way. “You need this” is the underlying message. Even in healthcare and especially alternative healthcare we see this trend. Right now on Netflix there’s a show called (Un)Well that explores many different alternative “natural” health interventions. Most, if not all, have a huge market capitalization and are growing in popularity. They use the same tactics of “This product will help you _____”.

I also believe we do this to ourselves. We lie down every evening or wake up every morning with the thought of working out more, getting on track with work or not buying frivolous things to get back on track financially. Our very internal thinking patterns have an underlying foundation of “I’m not enough as I am”.

What “program” are we ingraining into our brains?

Take a moment to follow this metaphor on how our brains get programmed.

Imagine a field full of wild grasses and flowers. You want to cross the field but there’s no path. You make your way across even though you’ve never done it before. You look back and see some grass pushed down from your journey.

The next day, you make the same journey and it’s a little easier. You continue this behavior every day for a year. The path becomes well-worn and it’s easier each time.

Now imagine you want to change your behavior. You want to take a different path. You stand at the edge of the field and see the well-worn path that you’ve always taken. It would be much easier to take that path – you know it well. However, you bravely forge a new path. It was a bit harder but you make it across. You look back and see that the new path is hardly visible – the old behavior is still well-worn. You’ll need to forge this new path over and over again and not take the old path in order for it to fade.

Obviously the paths represent our behaviors or even our thought patterns. In the brain, our neurons fire along pathways and the more we use certain pathways, like a road, they expand to accommodate the traffic. We we don’t use them, they wither and get overgrown with brush.

A new way to think

I propose that our very foundation of thinking – trying to improve, getting the next product, signing up for the latest intervention or finding the “right” counselor to unlock something about myself – that very fundamental “chase” to improve is actually creating a program or coding our brain to think we are not enough.

I propose a new way.

Let us instead practice the opposite. Whether through meditation or simply sitting with a mantra of “I have everything I need.” or “I am enough” or “I’m completely whole in this moment”. We bravely forge a new path in the field – a path of accepting ourselves in this moment and accepting the world as it is. We thus create a sort of “heaven on earth” – if we truly begin to materialize these beliefs, this programming becomes more ingrained – we start to see that we are indeed perfectly whole and that the world is perfect as it is.

Simply imagine whatever programming you practice being more well-worn 10, 20, 50 years from now. Do you want to be old and continue to chase interventions, products and things to make you “better”? Or would you rather be content and see yourself and the world as perfectly imperfect and in divine order?

So, this is a very popular book. And of course, most people have heard a thing or two about Dave Ramsey. My wife heard he was very religious. Many people have heard about his radio show. I had a vague knowledge of him. It was like I’d had this idea of the typical famous self-help book dude.

My first impression was, “GET TO THE POINT!”  I wanted to skip ahead to his “baby steps” in a quick bullet-point style to see if it meshed with my experience, thoughts and values. However, it wasn’t painful per se, the stories were nice and the points clear and valid. By the time I got to the “baby steps” every thing made sense and Dave’s direct, “gazelle intensity” approach was clear and easy to understand.

Overall I’d recommend this book as part of a general financial literacy approach. Include this in your advancement of knowledge but don’t let it be the end all be all of financial knowledge. If you just need one book, stick to “Rich Dad Poor Dad”.

It’s really easy to get complex with personal finance. With each account, loan or investment comes another thread to keep track of. Listing your accounts can feel like a daunting task – the monster under the bed that nobody wants to reveal… Except this monster may be worse than what you imagine.

Once I realized my financial life was a mess and too complicated, I vowed to keep it simple. A friend referred me to the simple card, which didn’t really work for me at first. I put some money in to test it out and nothing changed in my financial life besides adding another account! I did the opposite of my intention.

Fast forward and I set up my main income to directly deposit into my simple account. I still had Chase accounts and other various credit cards and loans but, this time I truly got to experience the simple card in a better way. The last piece was getting my wife on board.

I simply invited her to simple with an email, encouraged her to complete the basic info and set up direct deposit. It’s at this point my financial life got clean and easy. This is largely because we have independent financial lives with shared financial goals. I realize most couples combine finances in which case, simple would work out even better!

Once we were both simple card users, we used it for 0-sum budgeting. We gave every penny a job and included shared goals. Within a few months I closed my Chase accounts, paid off my truck and closed my discover card. I’m halfway to my emergency fund goal and my financial life hasn’t been clearer.

The simple life.

I now have 1 travel credit card which gets paid in full every month, my simple card, an Ally online back account and my vanguard retirement IRAs. I’m tempted to add a brokerage account for fun but I also know my goal is to keep things simple.

*Update: Simple is going out of business and I’m switching to SOFI. Social Finance is a company similar to Simple but the main factor I considered for making the switch is the “goals” or “buckets” or “vaults” – whatever they call it. The app simply allows you to budget and move your money into these “vaults” and when you spend from that card, you can simply say which vault you’re choosing to spend from. This is the main thing that helped me get on track financially. Keep track of every penny with budgeting built into your bank app.

I’m sure you’ve heard of the alphabet soup of mental health diagnoses. PTSD, OCD, RAD, SAD, etc. etc. And as a parent, it can be very important to know the answer to, “what’s wrong with my kid?”

Mental vs Medical model

Getting a diagnosis in mental health is a little bit different than a medical diagnosis. This is especially true for young people. In the medical field, something is usually very “wrong” with how the body is operating. A bacteria, a broken bone or an infection are all things that go “wrong” with the body that needs medical intervention to get “fixed”. In youth mental health, it’s a bit more complicated.

Often, the symptoms we see are actually attempts of the mind/body system to adapt to a situation. Kids may be acting out to get control because their environment is out of control. They may be highly anxious because they’re not feeling a sense of safety in their lives. Our mind/body system is designed to adapt to challenges – and sometimes, those attempts at adaptation are not healthy. We call this maladaptive behavior.

Parents often ask me what diagnosis their kid has and what can be done to “fix” it. Some parents get caught up in diagnosis chasing. They bounce from professional to professional, seeking different diagnoses, in the hope that once it’s “correct”, then their child can take a pill or get a specific type of therapy and be cured! Hallelujah! That’s all it took! I just needed the right professional to tell me the right diagnosis!

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Our mental health is a bit more complicated than a medical model. We are a whole system of our biology, neurology, relationships (read attachment), environment etc. All of these parts contribute to how we feel, think and behave in the world.

How I like to operate

I use diagnoses as a fuzzy “guide” for what’s going on with someone. Most insurances need a diagnosis so professionals can bill for a service and, at least within the field of mental health, it’s helpful language to use when discussing client issues. However, the use largely stops there.

I find it far more helpful to discuss systems that contribute to symptoms. What is taking place at home, with relationships, within the mind/body system that contribute to and help to maintain the maladaptive symptoms? What systems can we shift to provide the needs that the individual is attempting to seek in unhealthy ways? If we know what the purpose of the maladaptive behavior is, and can create a system that supports that purpose, the behavior changes.

To say it another way, can we create healthy emotional expression, communication, environments, relationships, exercises and routines that support positive healthy individuals? If so, the diagnosis is inconsequential.

Don’t get too stuck on diagnoses because the treatment is often the same.